No, I am not a widow, but I"ve been hearing of a lot of Godly fathers dying lately and, I have to admit I had been going to the Lord about this very thing. My reason, though, was fear. For years, I had been afraid that something would happen to my dear husband, and that I would have to be alone, raise little ones alone, raise teens alone, marry them off alone......it was debilitating fear. I HAD to be with Jim anywhere, and everywhere he went. I literally thought "If he's going to die, I'm going with him! I won't be left here alone!" If he was 1/2 hour late, I was in a panic. Worse, yet, was that no one else seemed to think that was a problem! No one was ever very compassionate to me about this at all! Sisters, I'd be in tears, almost hysterical, worrying about my husband!

It's sort of funny-sad looking back now, it's always been MY health that's been questionable! There even were two near death experiences that I had, in which Jesus told me that I was to go back and help Jim raise the children. So, if I was to be here to help Jim, wouldn't Jesus let him be here for me?

Other aspects of the fear: I have no skills to support my family if I were to be a widow. I have no extended family to have to take care of us. I have no father available to give me counsel. ALONE!

Ok, I've set the stage adequately....though I could go on and on, I really was a mess.

Then, the Lord started asking me about this one thing that I greatly feared! Here are the thoughts that have come out of it, and if anyone is struggling with similar fears, I pray that it will turn your heart toward God, and fill you with 2Tim 1:7 (KJS) For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

• Identify the problem
• from the Institute in Basic Life Principles Basic Seminar workbook, page 8 (IBLP):
  

• Fear
• 2Tim 1:7 (KJS) For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
  This is not of God, and indicates a deeper problem.
  
• Worry
  Matt 6:31 (KJS) Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
  (Matt 6:31-34) taking thought for these things indicates a lack of trust in God, and temporal values (not seeking first the Kingdom)
  
• Insecurity
  My husband's body and ability to provide, or even live is not in my hands...and it is not eternal! And to place expectations on him in this area, was to expect things of him that only God can give....that's idiolatry!
  

• Identify a Solution

• Institute in Basic Life Principles Basic Seminar workbook page 23:
  
• Look at my fears, run toward that roaring lion, and find out what is the TRUTH in this situation ( John 8:32)
  
• Interestingly enough...the example for this diagram is a widow woman! ;-)
  

• So, here's what the Lord has done:

• Matt 6:21 (KJS) For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
  
  
• Matt 6:33 (KJS) But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
  
  
• Exod 20:2 (KJS) I [am] the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.
  3 Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
  
• 
  

• What areas have I placed expectations on Jim that I should have place on God?
  

• Provision
• • Phil 4:19 (KJS) But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
  • Matt 6:25-33
• Comfort
• • 2Cor 1:3 (KJS) Blessed [be] God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; 4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
  • John 14:26,
  • John 15:26
  • John 16:7 (KJS) Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send him unto you.

• At this verse, I really wanted to learn this lesson well.....I need to learn to have the Holy Spirit as my comforter while my dear husband is here, so that God doesn't have to take me to the next life classroom! I'm saying this for me.....not on behalf of those who are going through this. Please understand I am writing this as one who has not gone through this trial.
  
  So, I started looking for what Jesus should be to me...what He should be filling in my life that I was holding on to Jim for:
• 
  Isai 9:6 (KJS) For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.
  
  

• WONDERFUL
  
• • I should look upon Jesus as wonderful, the joy of my life, my purpose for being. All that I do should be to please Jesus, to Glorify His name. I am to serve my husband as unto Jesus.
    
  • If my focus is on Jesus, then I can:
    
    • 1The 5:16 (KJS) Rejoice evermore.
      
    • 17 Pray without ceasing.
      
    • 18 In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
      
    • 19 Quench not the Spirit.
      
    • 20 Despise not prophesyings.
      
    • 21 Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.
      
    • 22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.
      
  • I will spend time in His presence
    Psal 16:11 (KJS) Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence [is] fulness of joy; at thy right hand [there are] pleasures for evermore.
    
  • He's just waiting for me!
    Reve 3:20 (KJS) Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.
    
  
  
  Part #2
  
  Just a comment....I’m not even going into the meanings of these words and names.....the English is strong enough to cause me to turn my heart toward God. The study of the names of God would be great in this area, as well.....and all that God provides through His name!
  
  Isai 9:6 (KJS) For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.
  
  The next from Is 9:6 is:
  
  
  • COUNSELOR
  • While I do need to go to my husband for all the authority issues, and for counsel, there are times that I want to sit and cry, complain, whine, or just talk. That’s what a counselor does....right? Listens! And my human, finite husband isn’t always available, much less always agreeable or even interested in hearing all that I have to chatter on about. Jesus IS! And, He gives perfect counsel for my emotional needs. He can calm the angry storm, He can still the raging sea of tears.....and He asks me to come to Him with these. My dear husband can’t do that, and it’s unfair to expect him to. This goes back to the Comforter. He even keeps track of the tears that I’ve cried!
    Psal 56:8 (KJS) Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: [are they] not in thy book?
    
  • THE MIGHTY GOD
  • This deals with my need for protection. Jim cannot be everywhere, always knowing what is going to happen, or every ready to defend. But, God is!
    
    • Defense
    • • Psal 59:16 (KJS) But I will sing of thy power; yea, I will sing aloud of thy mercy in the morning: for thou hast been my defence and refuge in the day of my trouble. 17 Unto thee, O my strength, will I sing: for God [is] my defence, [and] the God of my mercy.
      • Psal 62:6 (KJS) He only [is] my rock and my salvation: [he is] my defence; I shall not be moved.
      • Ps 94:22; 89: 18
    • Refuge
    • • Psal 62:7 (KJS) In God [is] my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, [and] my refuge, [is] in God. 8 Trust in him at all times; [ye] people, pour out your heart before him: God [is] a refuge for us. Selah.
      • Psal 91:1 (KJS) He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say of the LORD, [He is] my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.
      • Psal 91:9 (KJS) Because thou hast made the LORD, [which is] my refuge, [even] the most High, thy habitation;
      • Psalm 91 is full of protection! Awesome promises!
        
      • Psalm 46 is great, too!
        
      • - Always there, Always seeing -
        
      • 1Pet 3:12 (KJS) For the eyes of the Lord [are] over the righteous, and his ears [are open] unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord [is] against them that do evil.
        
      • Roma 8:31 (KJS) What shall we then say to these things? If God [be] for us, who [can be] against us?
      • What a great set of promises! I just need to run unto Him, and I am safe.
        
  • EVERLASTING FATHER
    
  • If God were to take my dear husband away, He promises to be a father to my children.
    
    • Ps 10:14 & 18;
      
    • Ps 146:9;
      
    • Zech 7:10;
      
    • Mala 3:5;
      
    • Psal 68:5 (KJS) A father of the fatherless, and a judge of the widows, [is] God in his holy habitation.
      
    • And what is even neater.....if I were a widow, I am also fatherless...therefore He would be doubly looking out for me and mine!
      
    • He will never die, He will never leave me, nor forsake me.
    • Rev 1: 8 & 11;
      
    • Reve 22:13 (KJS) I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last.
      
    • Hebr 13:5 (KJS) [Let your] conversation [be] without covetousness; [and be] content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.
    • ***oops....this verse had some conditions on it! Just like, seeking first the Kingdom of God, then all these things will be added unto us.
      
    • Of course, He is also, King of Kings and Lord of Lords
    • ....so, I must give Him all authority in my life.
      So, next I’ll share with you how I’m supposed to apply this!
      
    
    
  Part # 3, Facing the Fear:
  To face fear, I can put things into perspective, if I can prepare to prevent trouble, that I should do. (Prov 14:1) If I were to become a widow, what would my responsibility be? How can I prepare? It is a possibility. So, what qualities should I grow in, and train my children in? Here's some thoughts out of 1 Timothy 5.
  
  1Tim 5:3 (KJS) Honour widows that are widows indeed.
  4 But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to shew piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God.
  *** first to train the children to care for their parents in old age......to train them in responsibility, in the face of all that the world wants them to know and do***
  
  5 Now she that is a widow indeed, and desolate, trusteth in God, and continueth in supplications and prayers night and day.
  ***I must trust in God!, and be praying, and need help.....well, I don’t have to need help, but I must be right with God! This is a list of whom the church should care for....and a Godly character is a requirement.
  6 But she that liveth in pleasure is dead while she liveth.
  
  9 Let not a widow be taken into the number under threescore years old, having been the wife of one man,
  *** I don’t even have to work on this one! ;-) ***
  
  10 Well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints' feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work.
  ***This sounds so much like the Prov 31 woman....and the Titus 2 woman....God’s blessings are to the righteous, and to glorify His name. ***
  
  11 But the younger widows refuse: for when they have begun to wax wanton against Christ, they will marry;
  12 Having damnation, because they have cast off their first faith.
  13 And withal they learn [to be] idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.
  
  Dear sisters....I am not a widow, but I had started to walk in some of this.
  
  As a young girl, I was not taught to put my trust in Jesus, I did not know to:
  Psal 37:3 (KJS) Trust in the LORD, and do good; [so] shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
  4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
  5 Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring [it] to pass.
  6 And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.
  
  With my past, I trusted in men for things. I did not know about courtship, and was confused about love issues, emotion issues, and physical issues. Because I did not learn to trust God as my Love, Provider, Protector, All In All.....my misconceptions rolled right on over to my dear husband. I expected him to fill all my needs (isn’t that what the songs all say?). I expected him to listen with rapt attention when I talked (isn’t that what all the wonderful guys in the movies and the books do?). I expected him to be the perfect husband.....full of wonderful insights into scriptures (this he was able to do...he’d walked with the Lord for a long time), and adoring me, and making me feel wonderfully fulfilled. This is a lie, this is not possible! Well, not without God’s help and hand! I was seeking my husband’s heart, I was seeking for him to fill my heart, I was giving my husband the place on the throne of my life! That is idolatry!
  
  Not only that, but:
  Matt 6:24 (KJS) No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other.
  I struggled with this as a married woman (when his ways were not always the ways that God was leading me.....I confess, I sometimes turned from what God wanted to minister to Jim....and times were that if I was in the word, Jim would react....and I couldn’t figure out how to minister to both God and Jim!).
  
  Thank God that He is showing me how to remove that burden from my dear husband, how to let go of the bitterness of wrong hope deferred, how to let Him take back the ground, and to fill me again with my first love for Jesus!
  Psal 51:10 (KJS) Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
  11 Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
  12 Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me [with thy] free spirit.
  
  Then, to learn to serve Christ through serving my husband, by
  Prov 31:12 (KJS) She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
  
  I must take pain to the Lord....whether it is pain from his human failings, or pain from my unmet expectations. I must learn to love my husband through the pain. Because, it is not my dear husband that is my cup filler....but Jesus.
  Back to the Basic Seminar workbook, page 22; I can have a Reverent Spirit...because I can KNOW that God is working through my authority. I can have a Grateful Spirit, because all my expectations are in God, and He always gives good gifts (Jas 1:17), I can have a Servant’s Spirit, because God has placed me under this authority, and He will give me grace to help him be successful! I can have a Quiet Spirit......because my dear husband is not in control....my Lord and Master is!
  Roma 8:28 (KJS) And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.
  ***YEAH!!!!***
  
  29 For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate [to be] conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.
  **He’s going to do this work in me....make me like Jesus!!!***
  
  30 Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.
  ***He plans for me to be glorified....by the filling of His Spirit in my life....it makes me think of Moses coming down off the mountain!***
  
  31 What shall we then say to these things? If God [be] for us, who [can be] against us?
  ***Amen and AMEN!
  
  And, I can thank God that for now, my dear husband is God’s ambassador to our family, a gift from God, as Priest, Protector and Provider, as God enables him.
  
  
  Part 4
  So, how to prevent this fear, or misapplied expectations in my daughters?????
  By teaching them to commit their youth to the Lord. Learning to
  Mark 12:30 (KJS) .... love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this [is] the first commandment.
  Because:
  Matt 6:24 (KJS) No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.
  
  And, as I said above, I can’t serve God and Husband.....I can only serve my husband, by serving God through him....doing all things as unto Christ. Then, I can serve correctly, and, I have grace all sufficient!
  
  If they go into a relationship knowing how to trust God, and that this person is just another instrument (albeit, a very special and precious instrument) to continue to mold them into the image of God....they can give their husbands freedom to grow, while they have a continuous source from the Father to be the helpmeets they were meant to be. They will have a joy that the world, a grumpy husband, whiny babies or morning sickness cannot take away. And, this joy will not depend on whether God allows them to remain married, but will transcend even the possible death of a husband. (Lots of Character Qualities come to mind, here!)
  
  As young ladies show interest in my son, I’ve had to ponder this in another aspect. Last night, when everyone was in bed, Steve (ds #2) and I were the last ones up. Steve wanted to talk about some things that happened tonight at a seminar. He wanted to know, why is it a bad thing to allow girls to show attention. He’s working through the courtship commitment.
  
  These young ones are so confused at this early age. Their whole being is turning them toward a commitment to someone or something...and they are searching. THIS IS the foundational time of their lives....and we must help them to have a foundation based on Jesus as their #1 and ONLY focus. This is where they make the choices about their future, and who’s hands they are going to put it into. It’s unfair for a young man to lead a girl into thinking that he can provide what only God can provide (isn’t being like God what Satan did?). And it’s unfair to prevent the young lady from growing in her relationship with the Lord. To put anything in the way of learning to totally give all that they have to the Lord, when all of their being is looking to attachment to something or someone to give them meaning, is to be a stumbling block.
  
  As a young lady, I made commitments flippantly, and therefore had my heart in many different directions. I have had to pray
  Psal 86:11 (KJS) Teach me thy way, O LORD; I will walk in thy truth: unite my heart to fear thy name.
  
  My heart was not united....and we all know that a double minded (hearted) {wo}man is unstable in all {her} ways (personalized version of Jas 1:8)
  
  I needed to:
  Jame 4:8 (KJS) Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse [your] hands, [ye] sinners; and purify [your] hearts, [ye] double minded.
  
  Now I can say:
  Psalm 86:12 I will praise thee, O Lord my God, with all my heart: and I will glorify thy name for evermore.
  
  Through the years, Jim’s job has taken him farther and farther away from home, and taken more and more time. I am thankful that when the children were little, and I was so sick, he was able to be near home and be a support and physical help. I wonder, sometimes, if his job situation is God’s way of testing me to see if I am holding on to Jim, instead of holding on to Him. I know that my over burdening has been like a heave stone around Jim’s neck.
  
  Dear ladies,
  
  1Joh 4:18 (KJS) There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
  I was not being made perfect in love....I was tormented....and I was causing confusion to my dear husband. I was tearing down my house with my own hands. I was like a constant dripping, and there was no freedom from the darkness I was walking in. Until, I recognized it as darkness.
  Psal 112:4 (KJS) Unto the upright there ariseth light in the darkness: [he is] gracious, and full of compassion, and righteous. (Is 9:2)
  Psal 23:4 (KJS) Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou [art] with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
  Colo 1:13 (KJS) Who hath delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath translated [us] into the kingdom of his dear Son:
  
  And, He showed me the truth! (John 8:32)
  2Tim 1:7 (KJS) For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
  
  Love - fear is cast out by God’s perfect love (1John 4:18)
  Power - Luke 10:19 (KJS) Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.
  Sound Mind - 1Cor 14:33 (KJS) For God is not [the author] of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.
  
  It boils down to these two verses for me:
  
  Matt 6:33 (KJS) But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
  
  Roma 12:1 (KJS) I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, [which is] your reasonable service.
  2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
  
  And I have a new understanding of this passage.....though I CAN treasure my dear husband....because he will be in heaven with me....my heart just needs to be SET on heaven!
  
  Matt 6:19 (KJS) Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:
  20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:
  21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
  
  Security is structuring my life around that which is eternal and cannot be taken away or destroyed....(IBLP; Character First! Definition)
  
  
  Another point:
  I realized, last night, during the Institute in Basic Youth Conflicts Seminar, that I had one unchangeable that I was not exactly thankful for....my dear husband. (This is on page 15).
  
  What is the trouble with unchangeables? We don’t like something about them, they are not exactly what we’d choose, they aren’t like someone else’s and therefore are a temptation to envy.....something that God placed in our lives for growth, for pruning, for molding our character.
  Well, if I believe that marriage is a covenant, and that Jim is the one that God sent to me, then he is an unchangeable! I’ve thanked God for him.....but not in the way that we are to thank God for our unchangeables. I’ve complained, I’ve been bitter, and I’ve tried to change him, rearrange him, all to no avail! God says that the two shall become one...so, he is now a part of me!
  
  So, I cannot change/correct him.
  
  I can’t use the prayer of faith to remove him like an illness!
  
  So, I am to glory in him, as an unchangeable, he is a sign of God’s mark of ownership for me....God chose him just for me! I need to use any irritations to be a motivator for inward growth! And, as I learn to serve Jesus through him, I learn to be a better servant.
  
  In Jesus' Love,
  Christi
  J.C.A.A.S.F.R.
  christi@rossberry.com
  Ps 63:7 "Because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of Your Wings."
          
  
  References are to
  
  1. •The Institute in Basic Life Principles Basic Seminar,
     
  2. •The Basic Seminar Workbook.. I.B.L.P. Headquarters, Box One, Oak Brook, IL 60522-3001
     
  3. •Character First! Education Bulletins,